breathing the excitement back

Hello old friend. Time to bare the 'ol soul.

I think I love the idea of control. Especially over things like what job I'll have or how I'll live. If i could, I would frame all my plans in a neat little cherry-glass frame and fold my arms in admiration. It is pretty awesome. I love control.

My American dream is set in scenic Monterey, California. Its sleepy mornings always linger as if the land itself were half-awake as veils of mist roll over the large oak beams of my home. The view is a thief, stealing breaths through views that frame grassy cliffs overlooking the white sands of Carmel, its turquoise shores, and the constant salty breeze that floats through the window as if it were on tap. It’s perfect: far from the sting of reality. I am happy and it is everything I want: security, comfort, peace. It is my fantasy waiting to be realized. My escape.

When life is an eye-sore, I just want to shut my eyes. Do you ever feel like that? I want my sea-cliff home. I want my $100,000 guitar. I want my Steinway piano. I want to numb it all away, hoping that it will.

Please try to feel me. Is it our desire as Americans to escape reality? To turn a blind eye to the suffering? Is there really more to life than getting rich, being happy, and dying? Or do we really just want to bask so deeply in applause that it drowns out the moans of people with needs? I don't want to fall asleep in luxury while somewhere, the sky is falling. I know that no matter how much I sit there on that patio enjoying the Monterey sunset, reality is still there tapping on my shoulder.

The dream is just a dream. Its cheap fabrications are lined with plastic. It just seems fake and unsatisfying.

Kanye has said some ridiculous things but he's right when he said "The highest up are often the most down low." How is it that the more we hold on to our lives, the more it crumbles apart? Often times, what we’d like to control often controls us: our lifestyles, our jobs, our fears. They consume us, dictate our feelings, and direct our actions. It almost seems crazy that God wants us to loosen our grip over our lives to trust that He has the best intentions for our lives. But that’s the funny thing that I’ve discovered: the less plans I try to make and the more I listen to what He has to say, the more peace and stability there is in my life. I think it’s because of the love he showers on me. His love is a pretty wild thing. It doesn’t obey the law of reason and it knows no boundaries. Even though I’ve disappointed him countless times, He continues to love me and encourage me. It’s that sort of wilderness about His love that captures my imagination – my desire.

I believe at the end of the day, we’re all looking for the love of a good father; a love that is unconditional. It’s the type of love that sees you for who you are – good and bad –and loves you regardless. The problem is that we’re looking for the right thing in all the wrong places: wealth, fame, status, etc. After my long search, the only person I know that can provide that sort of love day after day without fail is God. We can’t expect to fill the God-shaped hole in our hearts with anything otherwise.

I’m a total believer in enjoying life, but there’s a very fine line between happiness and ignorance. When it’s crossed, we lie to ourselves by convincing ourselves that we’re happy with our wealth and achievements. However, there is very little difference between folding our hands over our eyes and retreating to our million dollar homes. We're running from reality. A good friend of mine once said that all sunshine and no rain make for a desert. Life isn’t always sunshine as much as we’d like it to be. We need to understand that storms come and sometimes, we need them to remind us that there are deeper things in life.

So maybe the American dream is not so much a dream as it is a delusion because there is no "there" once you get there. It’s very possible that the only thing worse than planning what we want is when we actually get it. How many millionaires have been met with disappointment and a lingering for more after accomplishing the dreams of their youth? We can’t expect lifeless things to breathe life into ours. Even when we place our hope in our friends and family, they can fail us. It almost begs the question of whether there is anything in life that is constant and always there. I’ve only found one trustworthy person whom I can place my trust and hope: Jesus.

A lot of people say that Jesus is a crutch for the weak in spirit, but I am convinced that true strength is found in becoming like Him. I mean, If someone hurts you, it’s easy to give into our primal desire to repay an eye for an eye, but it takes true strength to humble oneself and to forgive an enemy. It’s hard to love people. But I want to be strong. And I know that the strength of the arm pales in comparison to the strength of humility. Jesus is seriously hardcore.

If you’ve ever felt like God doesn’t know you or care about you because you feel like an average person, don’t feel that way. He cares about you. He cares about your future. If you don’t believe me, find a bible and locate the verse Jeremiah 29:11.

There’s so much treasure to be hand when we understand that it’s not the achievements in life that make it succulent, but it’s the love of God that makes me confident that life is being lived to its fullest. His passionate love that he offers you is incomparable to any amount of fame, wealth, or even a woman's love. Welcome to a life with Jesus! He is so good that once you've had a taste of how good he is, everything else in life pales in comparison to what I can only describe as a mix of incredible joy, peace, and fulfillment. I'd humiliate myself for Him.

More than anything, He wants to make your life exciting. He wants to partner with you, to be a reliable friend. I know it sounds hard to believe, but that’s what faith is. Before you pursue a relationship with Him, I make an honest warning: He will completely change your life and you'll never come across anything better in your life.

Dare to believe that there’s someone on the other end of your prayers. For one faithful moment, loose your control over life.

When you lose your life, you’ll find it. In abundance.