a hunger that satisfies

Lord, show me how to love people the way you did. Untainted, pure, and blameless; a form of love that transcends the sliminess of religious ways and tugs at a stubborn chord in our hearts - the shining hope deep within us to have you in our hearts completely.

Silence my words and open my arms! teach me to hear and obey! To subdue my tongue but to preach at all times! to use words only when necessary! Lord, we know it isnt meant to be difficult so re-program us to realize it!

Jesus, Renew my mind to continue to run and stand for what you hung for even when i feel most ashamed of myself. remind us that forgiven pasts are no longer held against us, but that we have freedom to share your love with others even when we feel like hypocrites. free us from the fear of failure; to understand that your sacrifice deserves more than a feeble attempt, but to still feel worthy in your arms at the end of the day.

Lord, dismantle our plans and revert our attention to your love for us. to set that as the cornerstone upon which we build your kingdom.

Jesus, teach us to love and be loved!

Midnight thoughts II: The Widow's offering

"And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came in and put in two small copper coins, which made a penny*. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, "Truly I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. for they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on."

Jesus! Teach us to entrust you with more than we can afford! Give us a heart like yours!

* two lepta, which make a kodrantes; a kodranteds (latin quadrans) was a Roman copper coin worth about 1/64 a denari (which was a day's wage for a laborer).

**note: tithing's historical purpose - regardless of its current nature - was to support the spreading of the gospel and to bolster philanthropic and fellowship-oriented church efforts

Midnight thoughts

If I could rip out my heart and pour out its words to you, my fellow reader, it would be that God is not so much a riddle as He is an answer - an answer to the sojourned longing of your heart.

If I had only seconds to live, I'd yell and shout and wheeze and proclaim that Christianity is not intellectual suicide nor a crutch for the weak, but that I have never felt stronger and more certain in my life about what truth is and that there is a good father-God who pens it.

I hope this sinks deep and transcends this blog.

Sunday afternoon in La Jolla

Wrestle my way out of bed, fumble my way through an old wrinkly tee, and wash the ugly from my face. Turning the corner from the tiled bathroom floor, I catch the following sight:

There's a neat line of japanese yews leading out from the pale french paneled doors. As always, they exhale: deeply, slowly, thoughtfully. Thereby the chorus sweeps through the neighborhood; a brambly arpeggio of oaks and evergreens sitting comfortably in my ear.

There's a knot in the wind and it's rolling restlessly through my halls. I hope it stays forever - I wouldn't mind.

I step outside and the pea gravel tustles through my toes; they are cold, and refreshing. They plaster a grey caulky chalk underneath my feet. The flagstone canvas is stamped with these earthen footprints.

grab the green pillow. curl up on the couch. stare at the sky. Thank God that I'm alive.

Zoning out never felt more like tuning in.