All or Nothing or a Regretful inbetween

I am now thoroughly convinced that anything worth having in life requires considerable risk.

If nothing is uncertain, there is no need to hope for it has already been granted. Only in dark times does hope reveal itself as a desperate, beautiful foothold - a bittersweet duality.

With nothing to lose, you must bet it all on HOPE!

Thanksgiving 09

No amount of frills, originality, fancy words, or anything in between comes close to an honest and unashamed confession straight from the heart.

that said, I'm remembering and giving thanks for my life in its kitschy - but honest - assortment of the places and people of which its been made. I thank the Lord for the heaven and even the hell i've been through and how the ironic harmony of their parts sum up my colorful existence.

Friends and "enemies", family and strangers, I raise my glass to you - thank you for being the wind in my sails and the current on my voyage.

Beginning of the end: Thoughts from a college senior

Ever since I was a kid, I had always wondered where I'd be when I "grow up"

The years have gone by and I'm nearly there, but am I really where I thought I'd be? a little older - sure. a little wiser? barely. hungry to make a difference? yes.

I really do believe in my heart that we can make a world of a difference at the workplace no matter what occupation we're in. it might not be a worldwide difference, but we can make a world of a difference to somebody, and I believe that is a beautiful thing

But why is it that I still want more? I want to make more of a difference. I want to change the world. I'm walking on a fine line between being concerned and unhealthily obsessive. Maybe its the pressures of being a college senior and having to make a choice of whether or not to go in an unknown direction.

Do you ever feel that God created you for more than what you're living for? Sometimes I wonder if the pieces of which I am made are really cut out for the defense industry or not. Should I make a jump into a totally different risky field?

Maybe I'm over thinking, but I can't help but want to start my career in the right direction. who really knows anyway, maybe I have to take three lefts to make a right.

And right when I get stressed, confused, lost, frustrated, pressured, worried, I remember the verse that smooths out the forehead wrinkles:

In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. proverbs 16:9

-phew- that is good news.

God of Justice - Tim Hughes

God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in everyway
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

Murphy's law came true today

Rant time!

I don't know who writes the course descriptions in the university general catalog. It's probably some evil dude. like that red devil/lobster/demon-in-high heels from powderpuff girls (...not that I watch powderpuff girls...)

These misleading course descriptions make classes sound so interesting and great yet believable, but EVERY time, it is an utter disappointment. UTTER disappointment.

Last year, I took a computer gaming studies class hoping to maybe have fun for once playing video games for an easy A. Boy was I wrong. The class was the most boring, pointless, and painful class ever. It was like going to the dentist - I hated it. We had incredibly complex and impractical readings and my TA was some napoleon dynamite scrub who never read any of the readings and talked out of his butt. I would rather scratch my nads with poison ivy. I would rather have my dexterity-deficient mom mine the ear wax from my ear with a bamboo toothpick. I would rather watch Mall Cop five times in a row. UNFORGIVABLE!

We had to play final fantasy 11 for a class assignment and at first it's like "whoa, that sounds cool. I dont really like Dungeons and Dragons/ fantasy RPG's, but They made final fantasy 7,8,9,10, right? How bad could it be? this game is going to be sick. I cannot wait to get home to play this game. I cant believe I'm going to be graded for playing games. life is awesome." - eengh! - WRONG. This is the worst game ever. I would rather lick a hairy mushroom. What a terrible game this was. The freakin video game character cant even run at an acceptable rate. After patiently waiting for 5 hours to install the game and make my username (cutelilladybug), I found myself in this huge monster-infested desert with no clue as how to get a weapon or something. Seriously, it was like taking a puppy straight from the womb, covering it in chum, and throwing it into a tank full of hungry sharks. It took me over 30 minutes to get from one area to another. But when you're a heroic level 1 warrior running like Chris Farley, who can blame you? To get an A on the the game assignment, you have to achieve certain goals and give a log of it to the professor. wow. He might as well have asked the class to run a 4-minute mile. the only certain thing about achieving the goals was that they were certainly impossible. How the freak are you supposed to kill 10 monsters - who are just as strong as you are by the way - all by yourself? ridiculous! The only way I could survive was to be a coward and hit the monster once while running away as it got PO'ed and chased me - AND THEY ARE RELENTLESS. If you hit-and-run long enough, eventually, you can kill it, but c'mon, why does killing a little desert rabbit take forever? How the hell does that make sense anyway? A killer desert rabbit?! C'MON! My character is a giant ogre WITH A SWORD! And you're going to tell my virtual loved-ones that a desert rabbit is responsible for my death?! UNFORGIVABLE!

If you cant run away from the monsters by yourself (which is more often that not) you have to fight them by yourself. That means your friends who want to heal you and beat the crap out of the little mofo can do nothing but watch you die a slow and pitiful death at the hands of a desert rabbit. The game designers obviously know nothing about da hood. In da hood, yo bruddaz back you up all day, 'ey-day! but I guess that's no surprise considering you are a virtual elf/ogre/warrior-babe who cant even defend yourself from a infant rodents. what a joke. I dont believe in violence, but someone needs to keep it real and act a foo on the dipsticks who made this terrible game!

phew.

so I was going to rant about how I didnt get to finish my midterm today for an elective class that sounded interesting from the catalog but turned out to be a complete disappointment, but I think that's enough for today. oh yeah, and I didnt do well on a midterm I got back today from last week. and I saw a completely naked frontal area of a 30-something year old asian dude in the men's locker room today at the gym. blegh.Truly, a Murphy's Law day.

Somebody show some love!